Chà Chà Novel

The blessing ceremony proceeded in an orderly fashion. Wen Sheng did not enter the temple. Once it began, he left the palace and returned to the stretch of coast where he had first arrived in this world.

Waves rolled across the boundless sea. Wen Sheng took off his shoes and walked barefoot on the sand. A wave gently washed over the tops of his feet, and the cool seawater stirred a feeling he could not put into words.

A merman’s longing for the sea was almost instinctive. Yet the original Wen Sheng had endured the agony of gaining legs so he could seek the person he loved, only to end his life as sea foam.

Love truly could make a person lose all reason and give up everything.

Yan Shiqing believed in love, but he had never let it rob him of his judgment. To his mind, a relationship could last only if both people remained clearheaded.

If one person became too consumed by it, they might be fortunate enough to meet someone equally devoted. But if they met a faithless partner, there would be nothing ahead but endless pain.

After passing through these worlds, Yan Shiqing had finally begun to understand something.

He no longer blamed Lu Yan for divorcing him so readily over what had seemed like a trivial matter.

Thinking carefully about their relationship, hadn’t Yan Shiqing been the unfeeling one?

When they first met, Lu Yan had been an unknown delinquent. Yan Shiqing came from a good family and was handsome himself. Naturally, he felt no attraction to someone who, in his eyes, had nothing to recommend him but a pretty face.

But Lu Yan was persistent. Yan Shiqing’s family was powerful, though warmth was scarce within it. His parents expected perfection in everything. A score of ninety-nine was a failure. One wrong note on the piano was a flaw. Even smiling a little too brightly at a birthday gift was considered improper. They had raised him like a machine. Then he met Lu Yan: handsome, scruffy, and altogether unlike anyone around him.

The first time Yan Shiqing saw him, Lu Yan was walking past the school gate with a cigarette between his lips. He bumped into Yan Shiqing, and the cigarette burned a hole through his school uniform, leaving a black mark and an unpleasant smell.

Back then, Lu Yan could not have afforded to replace even one of Yan Shiqing’s shirts. Yan Shiqing remembered taking off the ruined uniform and throwing it into a bin. Then he carefully wiped the back of the hand Lu Yan had accidentally brushed with a disinfectant wipe. A mechanical smile still sat on his face, and his voice was as gentle as ever when he said, “Watch where you’re going, schoolmate.”

Looking back, his own behavior made him feel sick with its falseness.

Surely that side of him should have been hateful. Lu Yan had not thought so. From then on, he kept seeking Yan Shiqing out.

Yan Shiqing had been taught from childhood to be polite and distant. He could not bring himself to shout at Lu Yan to get lost, but Lu Yan’s persistence annoyed him so much that he did not even want to be friends.

At the time, he had thought someone of Lu Yan’s standing was not qualified to be his friend.

It was not that friends had to be of equal status. But people raised in very different ways could have vastly different views of the world and of what mattered. Even if they managed to be friends for a while, the friendship would likely end without much ceremony.

Besides, if his parents found out, Lu Yan would suffer for it.

Yan Shiqing had thought they were two parallel lines destined never to meet. When, then, had they begun to grow close?

Perhaps it began the day his parents called to scold him because he had failed to get perfect marks in every subject. He did not want to go home and stayed at school until late. It was winter, and snow had begun falling without him noticing when. He planned to spend the night at a hotel, but as soon as he stepped outside the school gates, he saw Lu Yan.

Lu Yan held a black umbrella and wore a black down jacket. Everything about him was black except his face, which had gone pale from the cold. He visibly relaxed when he saw Yan Shiqing, then turned to leave without speaking.

“Lu Yan, were you waiting for me?”

It was the first time Yan Shiqing had spoken to him of his own accord. Surprise crossed Lu Yan’s face, followed quickly by a smile. His slightly upturned eyes curved beautifully.

“Yeah. I was waiting for you.”

Emboldened because Yan Shiqing had spoken first, Lu Yan tentatively stepped toward him. Yan Shiqing thought he ought to turn and walk away without a second glance. Perhaps then this delinquent would finally stop following him. But when he saw Lu Yan’s lips, pale from the cold, his feet seemed rooted to the ground.

The snowfall was light, but Lu Yan still tilted the umbrella toward Yan Shiqing to shield him from it.

In that instant, Yan Shiqing felt as though a small pebble had dropped into his heart, sending ripples across what had long been still water.

“Yan Shiqing, you don’t look happy.”

Yan Shiqing looked at him and smiled. It was the same gentle, proper smile as always.

“No. I’m very happy.”

He was certain his smile looked no different from usual and that nothing in his manner was out of place. But Lu Yan persisted.

“Yan Shiqing, you’re not happy.”

Lu Yan really was as irritating as ever.

Yan Shiqing disliked having anyone pry into his feelings. The mask he wore had become like a second layer of clothing, and Lu Yan seemed determined to strip it away. It made him angry.

As his mood darkened, the false smile fell from his face and the distance in his eyes grew sharper. Yet Lu Yan suddenly looked pleased.

Yan Shiqing’s expression was cold, but Lu Yan found him unbearably endearing. This version of him was real, no longer like a beautiful, perfectly made robot.

Yan Shiqing stayed where he was beneath Lu Yan’s umbrella. Lu Yan had shifted nearly all of it over him, leaving his own shoulder exposed. A thin layer of snow settled there, then melted into a faint damp mark on his coat.

They stood facing each other without speaking. It was strange, but Yan Shiqing did not feel uncomfortable. Something had changed, though. The look in Lu Yan’s eyes grew more intent. Keeping his face blank, Yan Shiqing said coldly, “Lu Yan, your eyes are telling me you want to kiss me.”

Yan Shiqing’s lips were a pale pink. When he spoke, Lu Yan caught glimpses of his tongue, a deeper, prettier shade of pink.

To Lu Yan, Yan Shiqing looked as though he would smell sweet and feel soft. He wore a cream turtleneck beneath a spotless white down jacket, like a little prince. Only a little prince could wear such clean white clothes. Lu Yan had never bought anything white; he would have dirtied it before the day was out. He was often fighting other delinquents over territory. How could he wear white?

But in that moment, he thought perhaps he should buy a white shirt after all. He would not wear it every day—only when he went to see Yan Shiqing.

“Yan Shiqing, I want to kiss you. Will you let me?”

There was nothing shy or flippant about his expression. He was so serious that Yan Shiqing thought he looked the way he did when asking a teacher about a problem.

Yan Shiqing was so angry he nearly laughed.

Lu Yan had no shame. He should never have wasted time on this delinquent. What had he been thinking?

“No. Lu Yan, don’t be so—mmph…”

Before Yan Shiqing could finish calling him shameless, the umbrella above his head abruptly disappeared. Lu Yan had thrown it on the ground so he could free his hand to catch Yan Shiqing around the waist and keep him from escaping.

Raised in comfort, Yan Shiqing was no match for Lu Yan’s strength. One arm locked around his waist, crushing the white down jacket beneath it. Lu Yan’s other hand held the back of his head, leaving him unable even to lean away. Yan Shiqing could only stare at him, fury rising in his beautiful eyes.

Lu Yan’s eyes were closed. He had been right, he thought: Yan Shiqing smelled sweet and tasted sweet, and his tongue was soft. His teeth, though, were sharp. Even when the taste of blood spread through his mouth, Lu Yan did not pull back. He kept kissing him.

Back then, Lu Yan had no idea how to kiss. He acted on feeling alone, kissing Yan Shiqing with fierce, clumsy intensity. It was Yan Shiqing’s first kiss. It tasted of blood, bitter and harsh.

Yan Shiqing shoved at him for a long time before finally pushing him away. Then he scrubbed hard at his lips with the back of his hand.

His lips, usually a faint pink, had turned a vivid red, giving him an intimacy he had never intended.

Smack!

The sharp sound of a palm striking skin rang out.

Yan Shiqing had put all his strength into the slap. Lu Yan’s head turned to the side with the force of it.

Yan Shiqing’s eyes reddened with anger. “Lu Yan, you have no shame!!!”

Lu Yan did care about his pride. What boy his age didn’t? But in front of Yan Shiqing, he felt he could do without it. If he had been worried about saving face, he would never have kissed him.

Given a choice between his pride and Yan Shiqing, he chose Yan Shiqing.

It had felt so damn good. Yan Shiqing’s lips were soft and sweet, like some rare, expensive fruit jelly displayed behind glass.

Lu Yan caught Yan Shiqing’s wrist before he could leave.

“Yan Shiqing, I worry about you. Every day, I have to see you come out of school and get into that car of yours—the one whose single wheel could buy my life—before I can relax. Only then can I sleep properly that night.”

Yan Shiqing thought those words qualified as sweet talk. Still, they reached him. He turned to look at Lu Yan.

“What do you like about me? My face?”

“Yes.”

It was a frank, honest answer.

After all, Yan Shiqing had shown Lu Yan nothing but coldness and false politeness when they first met. If Lu Yan still waited outside his school every day after that, of course it was because of his face.

Yan Shiqing was extraordinarily beautiful. Lu Yan had met plenty of people, including attractive ones, but few could compare to him. Lu Yan had certainly never seen anyone like him.

It was as though every part of Yan Shiqing had been made to suit his tastes. How else could a single meeting have left Lu Yan so unable to stay away?

Yan Shiqing was like an addiction to him. Once it took hold, he could not give it up.

At Lu Yan’s candid look, Yan Shiqing suddenly laughed. This time it was not a cold, empty smile. Genuine amusement shone in his eyes.

“Lu Yan, has no one ever told you that beautiful people know best how to hurt someone?”

“What are you, anyway? What makes you think you have the right to want me? You’re not even fit to carry my shoes.”

His smile turned cruel, the mockery in his eyes undisguised. Every part of him radiated open, cutting malice.

Saying those words gave Yan Shiqing an almost self-punishing satisfaction. They were the harshest, cruelest words he had ever spoken to anyone.

“Yan Shiqing, want to get barbecue? I know a really good place.”

“Lu Yan, do you not understand what I just said?”

“I understood. That’s why I want to take you for barbecue. It really is good.”

…

Looking back, Yan Shiqing thought he must have lost his mind that night, because he actually went with Lu Yan. It was his first time eating that sort of junk food. It was not as delicious as Lu Yan claimed—mostly a rush of spices mixed together. But it was new to him, so perhaps it was not bad.

The sea breeze blew in waves. Yan Shiqing stepped toward the water. From the beginning, it seemed, Lu Yan had always been the one to reach out. Even after they married, Lu Yan cared for him, coaxed him, and gave way to him.

Yan Shiqing, meanwhile, believed in staying rational and clearheaded. He did not think they needed to be together every moment, nor would he set aside his work for dates, holidays, or other little occasions.

He believed that made their relationship healthy. Lu Yan did not. Lu Yan wanted closeness far beyond anything Yan Shiqing understood.

One wanted space; the other would have stayed at his partner’s side every hour if he could. They hardly seemed suited to each other, yet Yan Shiqing had never noticed.

When someone determined to remain rational fell in love with someone who lost all reason at the sight of him, the relationship was bound to be unequal.

Yan Shiqing stood in the most important place in Lu Yan’s heart, like a champion holding a victory flag.

Because of that, he had never considered whether loving him was exhausting for Lu Yan, or what it felt like to receive so little love in return from one’s partner.

Yan Shiqing had kept trying to maintain their relationship in what he believed was the healthiest way. In the end, he had brought it to the worst possible place.

Lu Yan’s love burned too fiercely. Without equal warmth in return, that fire was sure to consume him. Yet throughout those days without the response he longed for, Lu Yan still spent his time wondering what he could do to make Yan Shiqing eat a few more bites at his next meal.

The seawater had risen to Wen Sheng’s waist. As more of his skin met the water, he let out a sigh of pleasure. He was about to take another step or two when someone seized his wrist and roughly pulled him back to shore.

Lan Tang looked distressed. He knew Wen Sheng was the Sea God’s messenger and had no reason to fear the water. Even so, watching him walk farther and farther into the sea had filled him with panic.